— Book 1. Twilight:  

Edward:  Hey.

Bella:  OMG, I'm so silly. And horny.

Edward:  Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.

Bella:  OMG you're a vampire!

Edward:  Yes. Let's go play baseball.

James:  I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.

Edward:  Roar.

James:  Omnomnom Bella.

Bella:  OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!

Edward:  I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well.

Jacob:  Oh, hi there!

— Book 2. New Moon:  

Edward:  Oops, gotta go.

Bella:  OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.

Jacob:  Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)

Bella:  OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!

Alice:  Edward is gonna kill himself!

Bella:  OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.

Edward:  I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.

Volturi:  You suck.

Bella:  OMG leave him alone!

Volturi:  OK, leave now bitches.

Jacob:  I love you, Bella.

Bella:  OMG I love Edward more, bye!

— Book 3. Eclipse:  

Victoria:  I'm back, bitch! I'ma cut you!

Bella:  OMG no!

Edward:  I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean, Bella)

Jacob:  I want to kill her too!

Riley:  I will kill you!

Bella:  OMG I'm frozen!

Edward:  Shit I'm so cold and can't get you hot.

Jacob:  Move on bitch, I will warm this whore.

Victoria:  You missed me bitches?

Edward:  I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead!

Bella:  OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.

— Book 4. Breaking Dawn:  

Edward:  I don't want to fuck you, Bella. Marry me first.

Bella:  Shit, okay.

Jacob:  My heart is broken!

Bella:  OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!

Edward:  Oh no, a monster!

Renesmee:  I'ma kill you, mom :3

Volturi:  We're gonna kill that bitch, she's a monster.

Bella:  OMG finally I'm a vampire now! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.

Volturi:  Fine, you won.

Jacob:  Bella I never loved you. I wanna fuck your daughter.